The Light Brigade Lantern is a series of satire based on true events in our local and state governments.
I came up with it to help share the facts of a true story with a twist of humor and how I saw it from a different perspective that made me laugh.
You will find sources on which that this satire article was based from throughout. Enjoy!
The Butte County Commission attended class once again with their professor, Sue Broadhurst, earlier this week at the Butte County courthouse. One of many in attendance who audited this class was Travis Ismay, who recorded it in order to share with others, since many want to attend Ms. Broadhurst’s classes on South Dakota law and government. Ms. Broadhurst noticed that the commission had many weak points, one being pretty major concerning how to follow the process they themselves set in order to properly allow marijuana businesses to apply. So, in this class, she talked about what it looks like when a county commission does their job properly concerning following the process correctly and then ensuring the information is correct and verified as true. The example she used was from the permit application of Green Light Partners, Custer LLC, a medical marijuana establishment owned by Rod Woodruff, James Mueller, and John Mueller.
“See here, class?” She said, as she pointed to the permit application, “There’s initials here stating that at least one of these men is a resident of Butte County. But, if I was a commissioner, I would look to ensure this information is true.” She then went through the steps of how to do it:
1. She checked the Secretary of State’s annual report for GLP to verify the addresses
2. She checked to see where the tax and assessment notices were mailed to verify addresses as well
3. She checked to see if any of their vehicles were licensed and registered in Butte
4. She checked to see where they’re registered to vote
Therefore, according to the information she discovered, none are residents of Butte County, even though one of them initialed that at least one is a resident. She then said that this would be cause to not renew a license for marijuana businesses since this clearly is a violation of the law. Stan Harms, James Ager, Frank Walton and Karrol Herman were in a stunned silence as they weren’t sure what to do in such a situation. “But Ms. Broadhurst, we have no idea what to do when it comes to following something that we actually developed and adopted as an ordinance! We’re doomed!”
She brought out some smelling salts to help calm them down, and once they were, Commissioner Chad Erk, surrounded by his workbooks and textbooks on how to be a commissioner, raised his hand. Ms. Broadhurst acknowledged him and he asked, “If such a thing happened: where someone seemed to lie on their permit application, all we have to do is follow the law we developed, correct?” Ms. Broadhurst and the whole room applauded at the amount of talent and knowledge Chad Erk possesses, including his insane ability to read the County Commissioner Handbook, and Ms. Broadhurst replied by saying, “Correct! In the ordinance you developed and adopted, you stated in the ordinance that violating any provision of this ordinance is a civil penalty which could lead to a $10,000 fine. You also have support of the state law, where it says that, ‘A person who knowingly submits false records or documentation required by the department to certify a medical cannabis establishment under this chapter is guilty of a Class 6 felony.'” She then added, “You also have a support system in place to help enforce the law and hold each other accountable. See that person over there? That’s your State’s Attorney and her job is to enforce the law in such circumstances! Isn’t that awesome?” The commission breathed a sign of relief at this information while the State’s Attorney kept a straight face. From the time of publishing, we aren’t sure if the commission and State’s attorney will work together to uphold the law or keep going after high school students doing senior pranks, but we will keep you updated as we find out more information as they continue their journey of education on how to be duly elected officials.
*The featured image is a painting of Paul Revere by Edward Mason Eggleston